"I will not be a victim", I tell myself this as often as I can, and yet I still feel as if I'm acting like the victim. How is it a man can want some thing and never attain it? I wish for peace and all I find is strife. The road is long and full of perils, rocky, twisting and uphill all the way, yet I know I have to traverse the trail to find the Paradise that the road empties into. These days have been hard on both myself and my family, they are my strength and yet there is always blows rained upon them by the fact that I am not working and therefor no money coming in. I only want this nightmare to end and to be whole once more, one day I know it will come to pass, one day I will enter the light of a new life and be free of these nightmares that plague my sleep. I only hope it is soon.