For the last while I have posted about how I'm feeling lost, and depressed. I have written about my nightmares and memories, and how I just want it all to end. I now have a name for the way I feel, and that name surprises me, its something I never thought I would have. It seems I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It never occurred to me that I would be susceptible to this, you see I spent 18 years as an initial attack fire fighter and crew boss, flying into and out of the worst wild fires my province had, spending days on end without sleep, seeing things that gave most people nightmares. I am also a licenced counsellor and lifeskills coach, I know the symptoms of PTSD and I never seen it in myself. My arrogance has now cost me alot, because I believed I was immune to this and refused to see it in myself I have caused a large rift to form within my wife's and my relationship and with my parents. I know I will overcome this and I know that my relationships are strong enough to be repaired, but I just hope that I still have a wife when its all over and the smoke clears. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins and I know I have been prideful of late, I only hope that this pride hasn't cost me the things I hold dear.
1 comment:
Well.. when your a firefighter of course you are gonna see things that are pretty out there. Firefighting is a very dangerous job and I don't see where you went wrong. You chose to save peoples life's! Just keep thinking positive things and let the other things go. Maybe all the nightmares will fade. I don't know everything that is going on in your life but I notice when I try to stay in a good mood and even when I wake up feeling like nothing I make myself be happy then it makes the day a lot better for me... sorry :( I'm not to good with expressing my self to well. I also sleep with a dream catcher over my bed.. and I know some people might think that's kinda crazy but I swear it works for me lol .. Another thing that has helped me alot in my stress and depression is Joel Ossten.. I hope I spelled that right.. If you read up on him and listen to what he has to say I think that can help to. Also good with getting your family and other relationsips together. :)
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