Right now, here in this very moment I feel lost as if in a cave afraid to look out, to see the future and I wonder, where can I go from here? It's almost as if I can't live in the moment, the past has so entangled me in a web of memories. After my accident I couldn't remember much of the details, now all I seem to do is remember, I can feel it as if it happend just today.... how do I move past this? I find myself relying on other memories to get me through it as well. The best day of my life was last September, Dana, Rowan and I took a family drive out the West Fraser road about 50 miles or so down the country road, the sun was bright and warm, no traffic and we just enjoyed being a family. Rowan loved the trip because he was able to sit on daddy's lapp and drive the car, he saw baby cows and baby grouse ( a wild chicken or phesant like bird ) clustered around their mother. Those are the memories I want to keep thinking of rather than my arm being crushed. I know I need to talk to a proffesional about all this, the thing is I am so afraid that I will have to spend time in the hospital. I supose that I am a fool, I need to do whats best and just get at getting better. Its not that easy though I want to be better but I have such a hard time talking about the experience, I can say what happend, but the experience of the whole thing is so hard to share.